Academic-Related Fun...

Can't get enough of university life? How about reading about it?

Go to:

Books that take place within an academic environment
(for those who have time to read for pleasure- ha!)

  And never, EVER lose your sense of humour!!

Go to:

45 more ways to intimidate your professor
You might be a graduate student when...
Top ten lies told by graduate students
A Graduate Student Parable

Those in graduate school may want to check out the following comic strips, available on-line- they are hilarious!
Academia Nuts
Piled Higher and Deeper

BOOKS

You actually have time on your hands to read for pleasure? Go for it!! Read these, and you still won't be too far away from university life, because these stories take place at universities (I know, glutton for punishment...). There are lonely university professors, harried graduate students, murderous undergraduates, conniving administrators- what more could you ask for?

(note: These are a compilation of selected suggestions from myself and others. I have not read all of them. Read at your own risk. :-) )

Click on each book's picture to take you to a description at Amazon.ca. Hey, maybe you could even buy a book or two there!

(My favorite!!)
	A nest of Singing Birds- Susan Charlotte Haley		(Not recommended though- read at your own risk!)	(He worked at Oregon State University- hmmm!)
	The Surleighwick effect-  Charles H. Cutting The Skelmerdale effect (a hilarious sequel to the Surleighwick effect)- Charles H. Cutting			(There are at least 9 books by this author with the same protagonist- an English professor)

If you know of additional books that could be added to this list, please send them to me at aine.humble@msvu.ca

** also check out Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia for more books...

JOKES...
NOTE: The authors of these are unknown- all of these lists have been passed along to me by email at some point or another!

45 MORE WAYS TO INTIMIDATE YOUR PROFESSOR!

1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the prof makes by waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!" *
2. Wear X-ray specs. Every few minutes, ask the prof to focus the overhead projector.
3. Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points.
4. Sit in the front and color in your textbook.
5. When the professor calls your name in roll, respond, "That's my name, don't wear it out!"
6. Introduce yourself to the class as the "master of the pan flute".
7. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the prof to speak louder. *
8. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.
9. Squint thoughtfully while giving the prof strange looks. In the middle of a lecture, tell them that they look familiar and ask whether or not they were ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch.
10. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the chapter out of your textbook. *
11. Become entranced with your first physics lecture, and declare your intention to pursue a career in measurement and units.
12. Sing your questions. *
13. Speak only in rhymes and hum the Underdog theme.
14. When the speaker calls roll, after each name scream "THAT's MEEEEEEEE! Oh no, sorry!". *
15. Insist in a southern drawl that your name really is Wuchen Li. If you actually are Chinese, insist that your name is Vladimir Fernandez O'Reilly.
16. Page through the textbook scratching each picture and sniffing it. *
17. Wear your pajamas. Pretend not to notice that you've done so. *
18. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY". *
19. Inform the class that you are Belgium royalty, and have a friend bang cymbals together whenever your name is spoken. *
20. Address the prof as "your excellency". *
21. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the prof if they've been drinking.
22. Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture. *
23. Ask whether you have to come to class. **
24. Bring a seeing eye rooster to class.
25. Re-live your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.
26. Watch the prof through binoculars.
27. Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.
28. Ask to introduce your "invisible friend" in the empty seat next to you, and ask for an extra copy of each handout. *
29. When the prof turns on their laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!" *
30. Correct the prof at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the "i" is silent. *
31. Sit in the front row reading the prof's graduate thesis and snickering.
32. As soon as the bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on the board. Ignore the prof's reply and proceed to do so anyway.
33. Claim that you wrote the class text book.
34. Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects, jump up and scream "IMPOSTER!" *
35. Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students.
36. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing it around the room. *
37. Stand to ask questions. Bow deeply before taking your seat after the professor answers. *
38. Wear a cape with a big S on it. Inform classmates that the S stands for "stud".
39. Interrupt every few minutes to ask the prof, "Can you spell that?"
40. Disassemble your pen. "Accidentally" propel pieces across the room while playing with the spring. Go on furtive expeditions to retrieve the pieces. *
41. In the middle of the lecture, ask your prof whether they believe in ghosts.
42. Laugh heartily at everything the prof says. Snort when you laugh. *
43. Wear a black hooded cloak to class and ring a bell.
44. Ask your math prof to pull the roll chart above the blackboard of ancient Greek trade routes down farther because you can't see Macedonia.
45. AND EVERY PROF'S FAVORITE-- Tell your prof that you won't be in class the next day, and ask them if you'll miss anything important. ***

* my personal favorites!
If you know of any more, please send them to me at aine.humble@msvu.ca
 

YOU MIGHT BE A GRADUATE STUDENT WHEN...

• you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
• your carrel is better decorated than your apartment.
• you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet.
• you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read. *
• you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
• you rate coffee shops (or bars) by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
• everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
• you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event. *
• you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper. *
• there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours".
• you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
• you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
• you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.
• you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
• you consider all papers to be works in progress.
• professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore.
• you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text. *
• you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.
• you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation. *
• you reflexively start analyzing those Greek letters before you realize that it's a sorority sweater, not an equation.
• you find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th grade". *
• you start referring to stories like "Snow White et al." *
• You frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy.
• you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry.
• you have more photocopy cards than credit cards.
• you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as "personal communication". *
• you can identify universities by their internet domains.
• you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels.
• you have difficulty reading anything that doesn't have footnotes.
• you understand jokes about Foucault.
• the concept of free time scares you. *
• you consider caffeine to be a major food group.
• you've ever brought books with you on vacation and actually studied. *
• Friday or Saturday nights spent studying no longer seems weird. *
• the prof doesn't show up to class and you discuss the readings anyways. *
• you've ever traveled across two state lines specifically to go to a library. *
• you appreciate the fact that you get to choose *which* twenty hours out of the day that you have to work. ***
• you still feel guilty about giving students low grades (you'll get over it).
• you can read course books and cook at the same time.
• you can schedule events for academic vacations so your friends can come.
• you hope it rains during spring break so you can get more studying done.
• you've ever worn out a copy card.
• you find taking notes in a park relaxing.
• you find yourself citing sources in conversation. *
• you've ever sent a personal letter with footnotes.

* my personal favorites!
If you know of any more, please send them to me at aine.humble@msvu.ca !!
 

TOP TEN LIES TOLD BY GRADUATE STUDENTS

1. It doesn't bother me at all that my former college roommate is making $80,000 a year on Wall Street.
2. I'd be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.
3. My work has a lot of practical importance.
4. I would never date an undergraduate.
5. Your latest article was so inspiring.
6. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.
7. I just have one more book to read and then I'll start writing. *
8. The department is giving me so much support.
9. My job prospects look really good.
10. No... really, I'll be out of here in only two more years. **

* my personal favorites!
If you know of any more, please send them to me at aine.humble@msvu.ca !!
 

A GRADUATE STUDENT PARABLE

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather. The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch!", said the fox.

"Wait!", replied the rabbit, "You should wait at least a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesis on "The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves."

"Are you crazy? I should eat you right now! Everyone knows that a fox will always win over a rabbit."

"Not really, not according to my research. If you like, you can come into my hole and read it for yourself. If you are not convinced, you can go ahead and have me for lunch."

"You really are crazy!" But since the fox was curious and had nothing to lose, it went with the rabbit. The fox never came out.

A few days later the rabbit was again taking a break from writing and sure enough, a wolf came out of the bushes and was ready to set upon her.

"Wait!" yelled the rabbit, "you can't eat me right now."

"And why might that be, my furry appetizer?"

"I am almost finished writing my thesis on "The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves."

The wolf laughed so hard that it almost lost its grip on the rabbit.

"Maybe I shouldn't eat you, you really are sick- sick in the head. You might have something contagious."

"Come and read it for yourself. You can eat me afterward if you disagree with my conclusions." So the wolf went down into the rabbit's hole and never came out.

The rabbit finished her thesis and was out celebrating in the local lettuce patch. Another rabbit came along and asked, "What's up? You seem very happy." "Yup. I just finished my thesis."

"Congratulations. What's it all about?"

"The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves."

"Are you sure? That doesn't sound right?"

"Oh yes, come read it for yourself."

So together they went down into the rabbit's hole. As they entered, the friend saw the typical graduate student abode, albeit a rather messy one after writing a thesis.
The computer with the controversial work was in one corner.
And to the right there was a pile of fox bones, on the left a pile of wolf bones.
And in the middle was a large rather well-fed lion.

The moral of the story?
The title of your thesis doesn't matter.
The subject doesn't matter.
The research doesn't matter.
All that matters is who your advisor is.