Canada in Syria, the long story

Hi Justin,
I just got your message that you:
"... need Canadians who believe in our plan and believe in our team standing shoulder-to-shoulder with me. I need your creativity. Your ideas. Your energy. Your leadership."
Thanks but it just cannot be. Fidelity to political dogma is the hangman of creativity.

Nevertheless, let's assume that you really do want creative help, not just a flunky love in.

I'm predicting that you'll need to do some fancy footwork over the next few years. After all, you did make more than a few promises that more compromise one and other than they do suggest anything that is in the least part promising.

One promise comes to mind. The promise to stop bombing ISIS. I see that the venerable Rex Murphy has thrown down the guantlet. Rex sees the plight of all those "poor innocent Syrian refugees" and posits that Canada is responsible for protecting them from ISIS and the now "Brutal Dictator Assad". (Not so long ago the fickle CBC badged him "President Assad".) So, Rex says, "What are you going to do to save the Syrians?"

Rex is such a pain in the arse. Perhaps I can help deal with the old windbag.

I'm buggered if I can understand how an atheist Canadian is in anyway responsible for the religious nutters in Arabia and Persia. Perhaps we are being held to account for some foggy ancestral connection to the European Powers that once colonized that god-struck place?

Shia and Sunni do not play well together. They haven't since the schism when prophet Muhammad died in the year 632. These people really know how to hold a grudge, big time! They were cutting off each others heads for a thousand years before colonization and they'll still be at it in a thousand years from now. It totally beggars sense for Rex Murphy to wag his moralizing finger at Canadians. Not on your Nellie!

Tellingly, those North Americans who harp on the former colonial powers for creating a religiously divided Syria are the very same people who proselytize for multiculturalism in North America.

So why the present-day slaughter in Syria? Why does the old hatred flare? Perhaps there is a hint in something that the Grand Mufti of Syria said to Carl Sagan, way back in 1990. The Grand mufti stated the importance in Islam of

"birth control for the global welfare, without exploiting it at the expense of one nationality over another".
The not so hidden message being that each in-group is in a race to out populate their rivals. The Grand Mufti had 12 children. The most populous in-group wins the race for resource allocation, either by democratic vote or by violent force.

Since independence, Syrian population increased by a factor of 10. The amount of land did not increase. Of course Sunni would fight Shia. Reproductiive zeal is always the begining of a battle for who will control and allocate resources.

Of course Syria is just a microcosm. The big battle is between the Shia theocracy (Iran) and the Sunni theocracy (headed by Saudi Arabia).

The Sunni theocracy will cut off your head if you don't comply with their godly vision. The Shia theocracy will hang you.

It seems that North American politician's have a preference for beheading, they call theocratic Iran an enemy and theocratic Saudi Arabia an ally. Turkey is another ally that seems to be on a fast track towards becoming a head-hacking Sunni theocracy... Our politicians remain strangely oblivious to the fact that our Sunni allies have spawned and aided religious thugs --- Al-Qaeda, ISIS and the Taliban --- who delight in cutting off the heads of Westerners even more than they enjoy dispatching their Shia rivals.

George Bush and his Canadian brothers in arms thought they could civilize Afghanistan by military might. The most well-equipped army that ever there was was made a mockery off. Like Keystone Cops they chased the shadowy Taliban around the hills for more than a decade. History tells us that the Taliban mentallity will persist long after the USA has retreated back to comfort of celibrating their victories in B-grade Hollywood movies.

The affair in Afghanistan could only be trumped by Bush's blunder into Iraq. That misstep only furthered the interests of Iran, our Shia enemy. How oddly things have turned out:

What can a nice Canadian contribute to a stage full of actors who are so earnestly exercising their respective religious insanities?

Hold up a mirror of mirth. Kill them with kindness. Look, these guys are all wound up like alarm clocks. They have no outlet for their frustrations. Their religion suppresses both booze and natural sexual relationships. Much as they'll hate it, they really need a humorous perspective.

I suggest bombing them with candy. At Easter we could drop plane loads of chocolate bunnies with candy floss parachutes. Stuff the bunnies with chocolate eggs. Come Christmas, send drones delivering candy canes and chocolate Santa's. We could even put a dashed line of white chocolate on each Santa neck, with instructions, "cut to open". Rolling Santa heads would spill chocolate kisses. What could be more delightful for a sword-wielding fundamentalist? How about a shipment of sex-bots?

No Jihadist could be belligerent after all that?

OK, I'm guessing that some of them won't lighten up. But at the very least, they will get fat and diabetic from eating the same sort of rubbish that we feed our kids. So even if they still want to fight, they just won't be so damned good at it.