A proposal for an alliance between PM Harper and the Wizard of New ZealandDear Mr Harper,
I'm one of your grumpy, arthritic Britishcanadian subjects who, nevertheless, enjoys a little TV time when peddling his exercycle in the basement. Lately, I can't help but notice frequent reports of British Royals surveying their Canadian colony. Second on the most-seen list is the harperian propaganda series reminding us Britishcanadian subjects of our 1812 great Britishcanadian victory over those upstart Americans.
The much missguided Mr Mulclair suggests you are "nostalgic for the war of 1812!". (The effrontery of the man, saying such a thing in Her Majesties Royalcanadian Parliament!) I think not. This is not nostalgia. This is the real-deal!
I see a natural alliance forming, between the British Royals (which naturally includes us Britishcanadian subjects) and the Wizard of New Zealand.
It may seem strange, at first, because the Wizard was a British subject who has now transformed himself into a living work of art --- whereas you, Mr Harper, were once a Canadian who is now artfully transforming all of us into loyal British serfs, our rightful place.
But the Wizard has long advocated for the recruitment of a Britishcanadian Army to invade the United States of America, and burn down their White House if they don't issue an appropriate apology for the insufferable misrepresentation of King George III within The Declaration of Independence. It seems, Mr Harper, that you and the Wizard have a common purpose.
I see that Kate has been preparing herself. Vividly, we invision our glorious bare-breasted Boadicea leading the charge in this majestic reclamation of British honour.
I suggest that we strike soon, while the American's are in disarray, confusing themselves about who should be their wrongful leader --- and before Kate's sun tan becomes faded.
Best wishes for a successful invasion,
Your disloyal Britishcanadian subject,
Please to not be discouraged by Mr Mulclair and all the other naysayers who pollute Her Majesties Canadian Parliament. I'm sure that your $35M propaganda campaign will succeed by inflaming the Royal British passion of all us post-Canadians.
I am, however, concerned that the $35Billion acquisition of fighter jets has fallen behind schedule and is running over-budget. Never fear, we are all quite certain that the proverbial stiff British upper lip makes these aircraft superfluous.
Given that we will soon conquer the USA and take control of their various military assests, might I suggest a small diversion of the abovementioned $35Billion. There is an excellent company that the USA has, more or less, exiled to the Cayman Islands in order to practice their state-of-the-art medicine. They call themselves Regenexx and, like yourself and the Wizard, they practice the sort of magic that really works.
This company is too good for the USA, seriously. After the invasion, I suggest that the Royal post-Canadian Government invest the $35Billion to open Regenexx franchises in each of the British post-Canadian Provinces. We would have to change the name. Royal Regenexx has a certain resonance, don't you think?
Just think Mr Harper, all your grumpy old critics would be fixed of their achs and pains. They would all be so busy prancing around in the great outdoors that they would never think to be a thorn in your side.
Except me, of course. I will always remain your most loyal royal pseudo-Canadian critic.