Inez O'Connor - Freelance Proctologist

"What's the Undecided Party's position on Sunday shopping?"

Frankly, Inez O'Connor, we at the Undecided Party are more than a bit puzzled at the way the Sunday shopping lines are being drawn. One would think that the right-leaning party would be the first to put money before people, but the provincial Conservatives have been reluctant to take their finger out of that particular dyke (and make no mistake, once that water starts leaking through, it's just a matter of time before the ocean invites itself in). The Liberals, surprisingly, are completely behind the idea (we realize that the hope for a 'Just Society' died years ago, but must they dance on its grave?), and the willingness of the NDP -the 'worker's party'- to deprive workers of even one day of the week that they know they can have off defies comprehension - unless of course we're dealing with politicians looking for a job.

We're also a bit concerned with what must be the incomprehensibly empty lives of those in favour of Sunday shopping - who can't seem to find a single better thing to do with their lives for a single day a week than finding the nearest mall and 'consuming.' But, it appears that in this case, again, the rights of the low wage, non-unionized, no benefits workers are a lost cause. It would be encouraging to think that if the victorious party had a 'plebescite' on Sunday shopping as some have suggested, that they would restrict the eligible voters to those who would actually have to WORK on the Sundays in question, but even that seems beyond the realm of possibility, and any party leader who tries to convince you that he can protect workers who don't want to give up their only guaranteed day off from employer-implemented repercussions, either has an incredibly naive grasp of reality or is, well, a politician.

So, since it seems inevitable that Sunday shopping will become a reality should any of the mainstream parties form the next government, we at the Undecided Party have a suggestion that we'd like to put before the party leaders - because first and foremost, we at the Undecided Party believe in fairness, equity, and the gander getting just as screwed as the goose.

On the same day that Sunday shopping is officially initiated, we at the Undecided Party suggest that every MLA's constituency office also be required to be open and staffed -by senior staff- 7 days a week, as well as all civil service centres, banks, corporate offices, and most importantly, Boards of Trade and Chambers of Commerce. As you know, retail operations are already much more accessible to the public than the kind of 5-day a week, nine to five operations mentioned above, and it seems only fair that these other services and businesses should be just as willing to make themselves more available to the time-stressed public.

We encourage you suggesting this alternative to any campaigning members that you see at your door or on the street. Their answers will no doubt be highly revealing.